Reflection on being and doing

I've heard it said that in life we often have to choose between being and doing. Being as the pursuit of personhood and virtue, doing as productivity and achievement.

As I look back across my life I am struck that I haven't "done" much. I've often found myself thinking about the potential I had as a teenager and young adult and wondering how I came to "do" so little. I wish I had climbed the corporate ladder more, chased more awards, studied further and traveled more. What happened?

I could argue that my life situation dictated much of this. Out of the box kids and myriad appointments meant I took lesser jobs, didn't chase promotions and valued flexiblity and a forgiving culture over prestige and pay. Was this the best decision?

As I thought longer and harder, though, I realised that while things did change when I became a mother my retrospect hadn't quite perceived things properly. What had actually caused me to make those lesser decisions was the desire to "be". Watching my children watch me I realised it was so much more important to me to be patient, kind and caring toward them. "Being" in front of them mattered so much more than "doing" in front of them.

It seems to me that life is a little cruel in that way. I wish I had "done" more when my kids were littler. I always thought I could wait until they were grown and then lap everyone on the "doing". It turns out the "doing" becomes harder the older you get.

So do I regret "being" for all this time as they've grown?

Perhaps a little.

But at the same time the "doing" would have made me "be" a different person. The stoics have this idea within their concept of virtue; your principles (be) must be lived out (do) otherwise you don't truly value them. Or as the Bible says, tongue in cheek, "show me your faith without works". I simply wouldn't be "being" who I am now if I had "done" all those things over the years.

When I look at it this way I am satisfied. Forming yourself, in front of and for the benefit of your children, will always be more important. It is all very well to "do" but character is formed in the "being" which for me will be the priority while they are around to watch and copy.